Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Simply amazing....
So today was probably the best day of my life. Unfortunately...I can't tell you why just yet. Someday soon I will be able to scream from the roof tops why it was so great but for now I'll stick to updating you on stuff.
Austin is still in search of a job and continues everyday to search out any type of employment he can find. The man still treats me like a Goddess even though I don't always deserve it. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would find a man like him. I am so happy to call him mine and to know that he loves me just as much as I love him. This relationship is so healthy and happy it's almost scary. To go from someone that never cared about my needs to someone who focuses soley on making me happy is insane.
Now to skip to a totally different topic, my life changes. I am so proud of myself...I don't mean to toot my own horn but I have made so many positive changes. I don't go to the bar anymore and I have found that this brings me so much happiness. I used to get black out drunk and act like an idiot and now my focus is soley on those that bring positivity to my life. I have dropped so many friends because of this change but the way I see it if they brought negativity to my life they were never really friends in the first place.
Another change is my relationship with God. Today Austin and I begin a six week christian based course for strengthening our family. I'm really excited to begin this journey with the man I love. I feel like this is just another step he and I are taking in ensuring we have a long happy life together. I don't ever want us to feel like we have lost touch. I want to learn from my mistakes of the past and build a relationship with a strong foundation in God. I'm so blessed to have found a man that is willing to take this journey with me.
In closing life is so good right now even though I'm really poor lol.
-Lainy
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Frustration and hard times
We often hear the phrase "when it rains it poors" but it is becoming more and more apparent in my life that this statement is extremely valid. I filed for divorce last week and in the past 4 weeks have been working very hard at not only being a better person but being a better spouse. Since this change in my life my spouse, the usuallly mild mannored (fairly submissive) man in my life has done a complete 180 and been unusually nasty to me. I find myself wondering if there is ever a middle ground. A time when both parties are on the same page and functioning as a team that loves and respects one another. I was previously married for six years and with the man I thought was "the one" for 10 years. I invested so much time and energy in something that didn't work. This makes me question everything.
As a an adult (26) woman with two "special needs" kids that is not fully divorced I find myself second guessing myself. Am I worth the love and respect I feel I deserve? Being the strong minded highly intelligent woman that I am should I "settle" for the sake of having a companion? This is not to say that I feel I am settling now however, if I am to be treated poorly dispite my efforts to be the best me, mom, and spouse I can be is it wrong to question my relationship? I understand the difficulty in changing ones schedule as my spouse has recently. He went from working a night job in the night life entertainment business to working a traditional 9-5 sort of a job. I understand the stress he must feel but at the same time I'm officially putting on paper that I am cutting all ties with the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I try my hardest to wake with a smile and no matter what happens to keep that smile all day.
I am far from perfect. I do try my hardest to accomodate everyone (my biggest downfall) and it never seems to pan out. I have gone as far as elemenating people that I loved dearly from my life so that I as a mother and an adult woman can grow and be a better person. To have the one person I want approval from to treat me with such disreguard is so disheartening. I have had many awfull things said about me and I could care a less. It effects me yes, however those people don't know me from Adam and really can't speak to my character as a person.
I know all of this is a jumble of bs but I had to put words to paper so to speak to keep myself from beating someone senseless so this is the result.....
Hope everyone is in good health and happiness! Happy Easter
Lainy
As a an adult (26) woman with two "special needs" kids that is not fully divorced I find myself second guessing myself. Am I worth the love and respect I feel I deserve? Being the strong minded highly intelligent woman that I am should I "settle" for the sake of having a companion? This is not to say that I feel I am settling now however, if I am to be treated poorly dispite my efforts to be the best me, mom, and spouse I can be is it wrong to question my relationship? I understand the difficulty in changing ones schedule as my spouse has recently. He went from working a night job in the night life entertainment business to working a traditional 9-5 sort of a job. I understand the stress he must feel but at the same time I'm officially putting on paper that I am cutting all ties with the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I try my hardest to wake with a smile and no matter what happens to keep that smile all day.
I am far from perfect. I do try my hardest to accomodate everyone (my biggest downfall) and it never seems to pan out. I have gone as far as elemenating people that I loved dearly from my life so that I as a mother and an adult woman can grow and be a better person. To have the one person I want approval from to treat me with such disreguard is so disheartening. I have had many awfull things said about me and I could care a less. It effects me yes, however those people don't know me from Adam and really can't speak to my character as a person.
I know all of this is a jumble of bs but I had to put words to paper so to speak to keep myself from beating someone senseless so this is the result.....
Hope everyone is in good health and happiness! Happy Easter
Lainy
Monday, March 5, 2012
Feeling abandond
I know at times I can seem well...crazy. I'm very possesive of those that I love. Lately one of my friends has been MIA due to a new job and her tribe of beautiful children. I know that as an adult I need to be willing to share my friends but at times I still struggle with that especially when it's with a friend I rarely get the privelage to see. I'm feeling abandond. I know it's just my own insanity screwing with me but I really miss my time with this friend :(.
On a brighter note I have decided to make some changes in my life. One of these changes is working towards a degree! The other is getting healthy again. I have put on 40 pounds since leaving my husband and I feel disgusting. It's time for a change now I just have to get disaplined enough to make that change. UGH!
On a brighter note I have decided to make some changes in my life. One of these changes is working towards a degree! The other is getting healthy again. I have put on 40 pounds since leaving my husband and I feel disgusting. It's time for a change now I just have to get disaplined enough to make that change. UGH!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Big Changes...
So it has been a LONG time since my last post. I am now living on my own. I am currently going through a divorce and this is a totally foreign chapter in my life. For the first time ever I am totally responsible for myself and my kids. I have a nice 2 bedroom apartment and while I did spiral out of control for a while I am working to get my life back. I go back to work on July 4th (yay...sigh) and I'm hoping I will have another job starting very soon to bring in more money.
I never thought I would ever reach a point of enjoying being alone but having my own apartment has given me a sence of independance that I never thought I would have. I am contemplating going to school again. I have no idea what for specifically but maybe a couple of pre requisit classes to begin with would be a good idea.
The details surrounding my divorce I wont post about but I will say that going through a divorce is probably the most emotionally devistating thing I have ever done. I chose this path and I still struggle with whether or not it was the right choice. I do miss my ex husband and I think I will always love him. We had 10 years together and two beautiful daughters. Luckily our talks have gotten friendly again and we are trying to be friends. He is truly supportive of me when I am doing the right thing and after what has been done to him it is GREATLY appreciated.
On a lighter note, thanks to my ex husband and my friend Kc my daughters are potty trained. We still have accidents but I'm so proud! Brey starts KINDERGARTEN this year! Where the hell did the time go? I think the thing I'm struggling with the most is how to juggle my girls, work, and taking them to school...it's gonna be crazy but I know I have loving supportive family and friends that will help me when they can.
This is a very off the wall jumbled blog but I just feel so good right now I needed to post it.
I think I'm going to start a new blog...more like a daily journal of my thoughts and feelings so that I can track my personal progress emotionally through this process and learn what makes me tick.
I never thought I would ever reach a point of enjoying being alone but having my own apartment has given me a sence of independance that I never thought I would have. I am contemplating going to school again. I have no idea what for specifically but maybe a couple of pre requisit classes to begin with would be a good idea.
The details surrounding my divorce I wont post about but I will say that going through a divorce is probably the most emotionally devistating thing I have ever done. I chose this path and I still struggle with whether or not it was the right choice. I do miss my ex husband and I think I will always love him. We had 10 years together and two beautiful daughters. Luckily our talks have gotten friendly again and we are trying to be friends. He is truly supportive of me when I am doing the right thing and after what has been done to him it is GREATLY appreciated.
On a lighter note, thanks to my ex husband and my friend Kc my daughters are potty trained. We still have accidents but I'm so proud! Brey starts KINDERGARTEN this year! Where the hell did the time go? I think the thing I'm struggling with the most is how to juggle my girls, work, and taking them to school...it's gonna be crazy but I know I have loving supportive family and friends that will help me when they can.
This is a very off the wall jumbled blog but I just feel so good right now I needed to post it.
I think I'm going to start a new blog...more like a daily journal of my thoughts and feelings so that I can track my personal progress emotionally through this process and learn what makes me tick.
Monday, February 7, 2011
A tisket a tasket are you sure you don't want to use that gasket?!
So for my audience of two...wow I'm a killer blogger, I believe you are aware that I am doing lots of household upgrades/improvements. We had big dreams all year long of what wonderful things would take place at tax time around our home but as things do it didn't quite pan out as we had hoped. Surprisingly enough the thing I set out to do that meant the most to me was accomplished. Our baby (Natilee) now has her very own twin size bed complete with butterfly bedding. She is on cloud 9 and bedtime has been amazing ever since we moved her out of her sister's room and into her own room with her "big girl bed".
Our second home improvement project of 2011 was installing some MUCH needed ceiling fans in the bedrooms of our home. The south facing portion of my home (upstairs) is incredibly hot in the summer. My girls rooms are easily 10 degrees warmer than my room so some good quality ceiling fans were a must to help reduce our ever increasing electric bill. I pulled a bit of a shenanigan with one of the ceiling fans because the one we had from a year ago the motor blew so we bought the same one took the new motor out and returned the ceiling fan with the old motor...shut up I know it was bad but if they wouldn't have designed such a shotty product I wouldn't have had to do this. Shaunn opted to not put the gaskets in where the blades go and I insisted that this would some how lead to our demise. He still assures me there will be no leaks ;).
Onto the more exciting improvements we are currently or will be making. We bought a wonderful security door for our home and I could not be happier with the outcome. It is a beautiful brown and it matches our house so nicely. I can feel safe leaving my front door open in the spring/fall to enjoy the nice cool air that we Arizonans are blessed to have.
We also decided (on a whim) to invest in a new vanity for our daughters bathroom. Their bathroom is the one room in the house that clashes with the rest of the house. It has vinyl flooring that is peeling up, a very out dated vanity, one of those pieces of glass that they call a mirror but just looks tacky, and it is just bland all together. We were very excited about the deal we managed to get on this but I will get into that towards the end of this blog.
Finally our last BIG purchase was a nice dresser for our master bedroom. The dresser we have right now shouldn't even be labeled a dresser. The drawers are practically hanging and it's just falling apart. I would have been much happier buying the deep freeze I so desperately wanted but when all is said and done we NEEDED a dresser while the deep freeze would have just been a nice luxury for myself.
Onto my savings (my favorite part). Now in most cases if you were to add those items up at full price we would have been looking at somewhere around 2 to 3 thousand dollars and that is if you went with low end crap. We purchased very nice things and all said and done I spent a grand total of $770! That is a beautiful vanity mirror combo, very large 6 drawer dresser, security door, bathroom light fixture, twin mattress and box spring set, and 2 ceiling fans!!!! The lesson here folks is you don't have to be rich to have/do nice things. My best friend just did recessed lighting through out her entire upstairs of her house for under 300 dollars! The key is doing your do diligence and finding the best deal. Remember you work for your money why not stretch it as far as you can while getting high quality things?
The next thing we are looking to do is to tile the girls bathroom. This project is something we will have to save up for over the next couple of months because it is costly. We will be using a nicer tile (looking for re-sale here people) and the girls bathroom is on the larger side so it means a descent price tag. We will NOT spend more than $300 on the entire project though I can assure you of that. We need 4 to 5 boxes of tile at $30 a box, grout (i have no idea), the proper tools, spacers, and whatever else you need to lay tile...if you haven't guessed already when I say "we" as it pertains to this project what I really mean is Shaunn.
All in all I'm at a pretty good place in life right now. I am enjoying being a working full time mommy and I am enjoying putting love into my home. I will post pics as the work is completed. Thank you for reading my less than thrilling blog :D
Our second home improvement project of 2011 was installing some MUCH needed ceiling fans in the bedrooms of our home. The south facing portion of my home (upstairs) is incredibly hot in the summer. My girls rooms are easily 10 degrees warmer than my room so some good quality ceiling fans were a must to help reduce our ever increasing electric bill. I pulled a bit of a shenanigan with one of the ceiling fans because the one we had from a year ago the motor blew so we bought the same one took the new motor out and returned the ceiling fan with the old motor...shut up I know it was bad but if they wouldn't have designed such a shotty product I wouldn't have had to do this. Shaunn opted to not put the gaskets in where the blades go and I insisted that this would some how lead to our demise. He still assures me there will be no leaks ;).
Onto the more exciting improvements we are currently or will be making. We bought a wonderful security door for our home and I could not be happier with the outcome. It is a beautiful brown and it matches our house so nicely. I can feel safe leaving my front door open in the spring/fall to enjoy the nice cool air that we Arizonans are blessed to have.
We also decided (on a whim) to invest in a new vanity for our daughters bathroom. Their bathroom is the one room in the house that clashes with the rest of the house. It has vinyl flooring that is peeling up, a very out dated vanity, one of those pieces of glass that they call a mirror but just looks tacky, and it is just bland all together. We were very excited about the deal we managed to get on this but I will get into that towards the end of this blog.
Finally our last BIG purchase was a nice dresser for our master bedroom. The dresser we have right now shouldn't even be labeled a dresser. The drawers are practically hanging and it's just falling apart. I would have been much happier buying the deep freeze I so desperately wanted but when all is said and done we NEEDED a dresser while the deep freeze would have just been a nice luxury for myself.
Onto my savings (my favorite part). Now in most cases if you were to add those items up at full price we would have been looking at somewhere around 2 to 3 thousand dollars and that is if you went with low end crap. We purchased very nice things and all said and done I spent a grand total of $770! That is a beautiful vanity mirror combo, very large 6 drawer dresser, security door, bathroom light fixture, twin mattress and box spring set, and 2 ceiling fans!!!! The lesson here folks is you don't have to be rich to have/do nice things. My best friend just did recessed lighting through out her entire upstairs of her house for under 300 dollars! The key is doing your do diligence and finding the best deal. Remember you work for your money why not stretch it as far as you can while getting high quality things?
The next thing we are looking to do is to tile the girls bathroom. This project is something we will have to save up for over the next couple of months because it is costly. We will be using a nicer tile (looking for re-sale here people) and the girls bathroom is on the larger side so it means a descent price tag. We will NOT spend more than $300 on the entire project though I can assure you of that. We need 4 to 5 boxes of tile at $30 a box, grout (i have no idea), the proper tools, spacers, and whatever else you need to lay tile...if you haven't guessed already when I say "we" as it pertains to this project what I really mean is Shaunn.
All in all I'm at a pretty good place in life right now. I am enjoying being a working full time mommy and I am enjoying putting love into my home. I will post pics as the work is completed. Thank you for reading my less than thrilling blog :D
Friday, December 24, 2010
Out with the old in with the new
Well it is 1am Christmas Eve morning and I am yet again struggling to fall asleep due to some intense pain I am experiencing in my back. Sleep deprivation has it's benefits though, I have decided to write down my final thoughts about this year. To say that this year has been a roller coaster is a MAJOR understatement. I have suffered great loss and also benefited from some wonderfull gains.
At the beginning of this year my family lost my father in law. This was a devistating blow to all of us and continues to be difficult to swallow. I think we have all felt his presence in our own special way since he passed and I know he is here with all of us in spirit but to be honest it isn't good enough. I really wish I could talk to him still and see the gobs and gobs of pictures he would surely be taking of his two handsome grand sons if he was still here.
This year has been full of learning experiences for me. I lost someone I thought was my very best friend in the world and it killed me. The amazing thing was after she left the picture I realized our friendship was pretty toxic. The loss I experienced with her actually brought my best friend Kc and I together. I have never met a more selfless person in my life. Kc has really been my rock this year. Through every rough moment she has been there for me. Our friendship makes me laugh because we really are pretty lame. We practically jump for joy over the opportunity to go grocery shopping together without kids or to just sit and gab while cleaning up after our families. She helps me keep my wild side in check. Kc, I know I write these cheesy heart felt mushy blogs entirely too much for your taste but I sincerely appreciate you. You are like the sister I never had and I love you and your family. Thank you for keeping me in line and always being honest with me...YOU ROCK! Oh and on a side note...thanks again for jumping over gobs of toys on black Friday to retrieve those cameras for me :D
There have also been some BIG changes in my family. My step dad came home from Iraq in October and we were all VERY happy to see him. He seems to be un scathed this time and it is truly a pleasure to have him home again. His grand daughters are really enjoying getting to know him and Breyauna even calls him Papa!
Shaunn just got moved from the store he started his management career in and that was a very rough thing for him to swallow and he continues to work through it in whatever man way he can lol. His new store is in south Phoenix and let's just say there are some ladies that hang around the outside of the store that have questionable career choices. One good thing (optimist) that we are told could come from this transition is the possibility of another promotion for my husband! We are told it would be towards the end of 2011 so please keep Shaunn and my family in your prayers :D.
One big change that just took place for me is a JOB! I KNOW RIGHT?! Lainy with a job...can it be??? Why yes! I am an underwriter for GE Retail Finance...well I will be anyways. I start my training January 10th and I'm very excited. I will be working from home part time and I'm excited to get started. It will be so nice to be bringing in some money to help my husband out.
Breyauna and Natilee have had a fantastic year at their new preschool here in surprise. They absolutely love school and are learning so much. Brey continues to learn new words and tries very hard to communicate with us. Some new words she has are "mawnie" (which is daddy) "dwee deems" (sweet dreams) "ni ni" (night night) "Bo bo" (our cat) "Gocks" (socks) "jews" (shoes) and she is trying really hard to say juice. Brey is also working really hard to potty train fully. Natilee is a bucket of laughs. She is just a silly little girl. She adores all animals especially dogs. She tends to play by herself a lot or along side other children playing but hasn't really figured out how to play with others yet. She is a master eater and loves fruit. Both of our girls are very popular in preschool which of course makes me beam :D.
Shaunn and I are doing very well. We have come a long way this year. I think our 9 years together has tought us that you have to take your relationship a day at a time. We work through things as they come our way. We are learning to respect eachother and embrace our differances. I can't believe that in 8 months we will officially be together for a decade! When exactly did I get that old?
All in all this year has been a good one. I'm at peace right now with my life and it feels good. I hope 2011 brings me a skinnier body, my husband an awesome promotion, Breyauna the know how to become fully potty trained, and Natilee the ability to vocalize.
To all my family and friends I love you all and hope that 2011 is the best year ever for you all!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year :D :D :D
At the beginning of this year my family lost my father in law. This was a devistating blow to all of us and continues to be difficult to swallow. I think we have all felt his presence in our own special way since he passed and I know he is here with all of us in spirit but to be honest it isn't good enough. I really wish I could talk to him still and see the gobs and gobs of pictures he would surely be taking of his two handsome grand sons if he was still here.
This year has been full of learning experiences for me. I lost someone I thought was my very best friend in the world and it killed me. The amazing thing was after she left the picture I realized our friendship was pretty toxic. The loss I experienced with her actually brought my best friend Kc and I together. I have never met a more selfless person in my life. Kc has really been my rock this year. Through every rough moment she has been there for me. Our friendship makes me laugh because we really are pretty lame. We practically jump for joy over the opportunity to go grocery shopping together without kids or to just sit and gab while cleaning up after our families. She helps me keep my wild side in check. Kc, I know I write these cheesy heart felt mushy blogs entirely too much for your taste but I sincerely appreciate you. You are like the sister I never had and I love you and your family. Thank you for keeping me in line and always being honest with me...YOU ROCK! Oh and on a side note...thanks again for jumping over gobs of toys on black Friday to retrieve those cameras for me :D
There have also been some BIG changes in my family. My step dad came home from Iraq in October and we were all VERY happy to see him. He seems to be un scathed this time and it is truly a pleasure to have him home again. His grand daughters are really enjoying getting to know him and Breyauna even calls him Papa!
Shaunn just got moved from the store he started his management career in and that was a very rough thing for him to swallow and he continues to work through it in whatever man way he can lol. His new store is in south Phoenix and let's just say there are some ladies that hang around the outside of the store that have questionable career choices. One good thing (optimist) that we are told could come from this transition is the possibility of another promotion for my husband! We are told it would be towards the end of 2011 so please keep Shaunn and my family in your prayers :D.
One big change that just took place for me is a JOB! I KNOW RIGHT?! Lainy with a job...can it be??? Why yes! I am an underwriter for GE Retail Finance...well I will be anyways. I start my training January 10th and I'm very excited. I will be working from home part time and I'm excited to get started. It will be so nice to be bringing in some money to help my husband out.
Breyauna and Natilee have had a fantastic year at their new preschool here in surprise. They absolutely love school and are learning so much. Brey continues to learn new words and tries very hard to communicate with us. Some new words she has are "mawnie" (which is daddy) "dwee deems" (sweet dreams) "ni ni" (night night) "Bo bo" (our cat) "Gocks" (socks) "jews" (shoes) and she is trying really hard to say juice. Brey is also working really hard to potty train fully. Natilee is a bucket of laughs. She is just a silly little girl. She adores all animals especially dogs. She tends to play by herself a lot or along side other children playing but hasn't really figured out how to play with others yet. She is a master eater and loves fruit. Both of our girls are very popular in preschool which of course makes me beam :D.
Shaunn and I are doing very well. We have come a long way this year. I think our 9 years together has tought us that you have to take your relationship a day at a time. We work through things as they come our way. We are learning to respect eachother and embrace our differances. I can't believe that in 8 months we will officially be together for a decade! When exactly did I get that old?
All in all this year has been a good one. I'm at peace right now with my life and it feels good. I hope 2011 brings me a skinnier body, my husband an awesome promotion, Breyauna the know how to become fully potty trained, and Natilee the ability to vocalize.
To all my family and friends I love you all and hope that 2011 is the best year ever for you all!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year :D :D :D
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Update's on my family :D
The way I figure things, you can never update enough! So I figured I would once again tell you all where my family is at and what has been going on.
I guess I will start with me. I have been trying my best to do all that I can do as a mom and wife. We have a very strict schedule now. I am up by 7am (most mornings) and I usually do a few things around the house, check fb and my email outside while sipping my Diet Dr. Pepper, and then go in the house and begin waking the girls and prepairing us all for the day ahead. I put the girls down promptly at 8pm and prior to that we of course eat a home made meal and spend some family time together. Shaunn and I recently made the decision to become foster parents so we are finishing the application portion of that right now. I have also started cleaning and organizing things to make the house baby proof. I turned the spare room into the "baby" room. I put one of our toy shelves with the tubs in that room and put only baby safe toys in it. The other toy shelf has all big girl toys and I will eventually put that in the girls room when we do get a baby so that we don't have to worry about choking hazards. There are certain things that will have to wait until we are almost certified like buying locks for our closets to lock meds and cleaners, buying a fire ladder for upstairs, drawing up a floor plan with emergency exits clearly drawn out, and prepairing for our food storage evaluation. I am truly excited about this. I feel like God has this in his plan for us and I'm going with it.
Shaunn continues to work very hard. He is now running two stores which provides us with a little more income. He has started trying to tint his windows which has proven to be a pain in the neck for him but anything to keep him busy is a good thing! Shaunn has done so well at work lately that he managed to make full bonus this time around so much of that money will be put into savings for Christmas so that we can give back to our loved ones that do so much for us during the year.
Tomorrow is Brey and Natilee's open house at school! We get to meet their teachers and see their classrooms! I am so excited for my girls. I think this will be very beneficial for both of them. Brey is saying more and more words. We recently bought them flash cards that have pictures of objects (ball, cup, plate, shoe, etc.) and animals! They love these cards and we enjoy spending time with them while teaching them. I also purchased (finally!) a shapes puzzle and Brey spent most of the evening plugging the shapes into their homes. We also recently purchased a swing set for our girls and they absolutely ADORE it. It is very exciting providing them with all of this stuff.
Natilee is such a little monkey! She is now about 24 pounds and still short as can be! She is a pretty mellow child unless she is being touched by her older sister...then she screams as loud as possible which, by the way, is super annoying. She is suddenly acting very finicky about food. She wont eat meat and doesn't really eat much more than pasta, cereal, peanut butter and jelly, and fruit. I am forcing her to at least try the stuff on her plate but aside from making her try it and hoping for the best I'm not sure what else to do because of her mental age. Oh that brings me to a recent nuerology appointment. I gave you her height and weight already but I ddin't really touch on some of the things we spoke about. Natilee is developmentally at about a year old. She is physically 3. This is very sad for us but we are confidant that some day she will catch up with her physical age.
Our little family is doing quite well right now. I hope the rest of the year goes smoothly and without too much chaos. I hope everyone else is having a good year!
-Lainy
I guess I will start with me. I have been trying my best to do all that I can do as a mom and wife. We have a very strict schedule now. I am up by 7am (most mornings) and I usually do a few things around the house, check fb and my email outside while sipping my Diet Dr. Pepper, and then go in the house and begin waking the girls and prepairing us all for the day ahead. I put the girls down promptly at 8pm and prior to that we of course eat a home made meal and spend some family time together. Shaunn and I recently made the decision to become foster parents so we are finishing the application portion of that right now. I have also started cleaning and organizing things to make the house baby proof. I turned the spare room into the "baby" room. I put one of our toy shelves with the tubs in that room and put only baby safe toys in it. The other toy shelf has all big girl toys and I will eventually put that in the girls room when we do get a baby so that we don't have to worry about choking hazards. There are certain things that will have to wait until we are almost certified like buying locks for our closets to lock meds and cleaners, buying a fire ladder for upstairs, drawing up a floor plan with emergency exits clearly drawn out, and prepairing for our food storage evaluation. I am truly excited about this. I feel like God has this in his plan for us and I'm going with it.
Shaunn continues to work very hard. He is now running two stores which provides us with a little more income. He has started trying to tint his windows which has proven to be a pain in the neck for him but anything to keep him busy is a good thing! Shaunn has done so well at work lately that he managed to make full bonus this time around so much of that money will be put into savings for Christmas so that we can give back to our loved ones that do so much for us during the year.
Tomorrow is Brey and Natilee's open house at school! We get to meet their teachers and see their classrooms! I am so excited for my girls. I think this will be very beneficial for both of them. Brey is saying more and more words. We recently bought them flash cards that have pictures of objects (ball, cup, plate, shoe, etc.) and animals! They love these cards and we enjoy spending time with them while teaching them. I also purchased (finally!) a shapes puzzle and Brey spent most of the evening plugging the shapes into their homes. We also recently purchased a swing set for our girls and they absolutely ADORE it. It is very exciting providing them with all of this stuff.
Natilee is such a little monkey! She is now about 24 pounds and still short as can be! She is a pretty mellow child unless she is being touched by her older sister...then she screams as loud as possible which, by the way, is super annoying. She is suddenly acting very finicky about food. She wont eat meat and doesn't really eat much more than pasta, cereal, peanut butter and jelly, and fruit. I am forcing her to at least try the stuff on her plate but aside from making her try it and hoping for the best I'm not sure what else to do because of her mental age. Oh that brings me to a recent nuerology appointment. I gave you her height and weight already but I ddin't really touch on some of the things we spoke about. Natilee is developmentally at about a year old. She is physically 3. This is very sad for us but we are confidant that some day she will catch up with her physical age.
Our little family is doing quite well right now. I hope the rest of the year goes smoothly and without too much chaos. I hope everyone else is having a good year!
-Lainy
Saturday, August 7, 2010
A wonderful blog!
An old high school friend of mine has an amazing blog! She does a lot of reviews on different products ranging from house hold cleaners to baby furniture! Right now she is doing a baby shower bash!
She is featuring reviews on baby items and doing some really amazing give aways! Right now she has a beautifull crib set by CoCaLo Naturals. I am hoping to win this give away because I am currently working hard to become a foster mom and it would be lovely to have such a beautiful bedding set for the babies we get. Go check her out!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Hard decisions and new found hope
Some times in life we are handed difficult decisions. Our wants have to take the back burner for the good of our families and the situation in general. I have always wanted a descent sized family and after having two children with disabilities my dreams were crushed to some degree. My husband and I both want more kids but being faced with a 75% chance of bringing another child into the world that would have some sort of disability with out knowing the severity of that disability put a damper in our plans. There are a lot of people that would call that irresponsible and selfish. My husband struggles with the thought of having another child that would more than likely be disabled so we came to the conclusion that actually having another baby was probably not going to happen.
I was devistated by this. The thought of not having more kids really upsets me. I was discussing this with my daughters therapist and she mentioned fostering. I did some research before my husband came home and found that it was something I was STRONGLY drawn to. I sort of feel that this is my calling. Shaunn and I have been discussing this now for a few days and I have an orientation on Tuesday evening to get the process started. He still has some concerns and I'm glad that he is so grounded because I have to admit at times I am full throttle and if I want it I will do anything in my power to get it.
Most of my family and friends have been VERY supportive and I appreciate their faith in me. Other's question my ability to handle this. They question me as a mother. Those folks have truely disappointed me. I think given my circumstances I am doing a good job. I have my moments but I think for the most part I do my best to give my kids all they need and more.
I look forward to the opportunity to have more children. To have more chaos. Disabled or not any child that I come into contact with will be loved and shown what a REAL family should function like. One thing that has some people worried is my ability to let go when a child is reunited with their birth parents. I have no doubt in my mind that it will be VERY difficult. I know full well that I'm facing heart ache when it comes to that. I also know that as long as I view it as a positive for the child that I will survive.
I'm so anxiouse to begin this process. I can't wait to get the first call telling me that a little one needs me. I'm not very good at anything. I'm not an artist, or a work horse, or skilled in any department to be honest. One thing I think I am good at is being a mom. I am good at taking care of children and I'm good at providing them with a loving nurturing home. I have a passion for it. I always said that I was born in the wrong era, I should have been born when it was natural for woman to stay home with the kids and be home makers.
If you are one of the folks that is skeptical about my abilities or my strength in general when it comes to being able to handle this, please give me some credit. Know that I will not blindly go into this with some fairy tale picture in my head. These kids have been through a lot. This will be hard. I WILL get educated as much as humanly possible prior to taking on any children.
Keep in mind that a lot of you that are skeptical are the same folks that questioned me about having the two kids I have. I was told I was too young, that I should abort, and that I should surrender my children to be adopted before they were even born. I may be young, but I'm not an idiot. I know what I'm capable of and what I'm not capable of. If I get to the point during training that I don't feel I can handle this, I will stop the process. If you love me then support me and be there for me instead of being negative and telling me what I CAN'T do. I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to.
I was devistated by this. The thought of not having more kids really upsets me. I was discussing this with my daughters therapist and she mentioned fostering. I did some research before my husband came home and found that it was something I was STRONGLY drawn to. I sort of feel that this is my calling. Shaunn and I have been discussing this now for a few days and I have an orientation on Tuesday evening to get the process started. He still has some concerns and I'm glad that he is so grounded because I have to admit at times I am full throttle and if I want it I will do anything in my power to get it.
Most of my family and friends have been VERY supportive and I appreciate their faith in me. Other's question my ability to handle this. They question me as a mother. Those folks have truely disappointed me. I think given my circumstances I am doing a good job. I have my moments but I think for the most part I do my best to give my kids all they need and more.
I look forward to the opportunity to have more children. To have more chaos. Disabled or not any child that I come into contact with will be loved and shown what a REAL family should function like. One thing that has some people worried is my ability to let go when a child is reunited with their birth parents. I have no doubt in my mind that it will be VERY difficult. I know full well that I'm facing heart ache when it comes to that. I also know that as long as I view it as a positive for the child that I will survive.
I'm so anxiouse to begin this process. I can't wait to get the first call telling me that a little one needs me. I'm not very good at anything. I'm not an artist, or a work horse, or skilled in any department to be honest. One thing I think I am good at is being a mom. I am good at taking care of children and I'm good at providing them with a loving nurturing home. I have a passion for it. I always said that I was born in the wrong era, I should have been born when it was natural for woman to stay home with the kids and be home makers.
If you are one of the folks that is skeptical about my abilities or my strength in general when it comes to being able to handle this, please give me some credit. Know that I will not blindly go into this with some fairy tale picture in my head. These kids have been through a lot. This will be hard. I WILL get educated as much as humanly possible prior to taking on any children.
Keep in mind that a lot of you that are skeptical are the same folks that questioned me about having the two kids I have. I was told I was too young, that I should abort, and that I should surrender my children to be adopted before they were even born. I may be young, but I'm not an idiot. I know what I'm capable of and what I'm not capable of. If I get to the point during training that I don't feel I can handle this, I will stop the process. If you love me then support me and be there for me instead of being negative and telling me what I CAN'T do. I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Quick thing to share
I was googling for some recipes and stumbled across a wonderfull blog of tasty looking food. I was thrilled to find this blog and what made it even better is that the woman is a local Arizonan! Her food looks amazing and she has a lot of the same interests as Kc and I which include being a stay at home mom, cooking, blogging, and at least for me, photography! The name of her blog is "For the love of cooking". It's always exciting to find folks that share the same interests and lord knows I enjoy cooking so this one is a complete win win.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I get it now
Growing up I was teased and treated like garbage. I wasn't at the bottom of the totem pole but I was pretty close. I can remember going home and crying to my parent's about what the jerk off kids would say to me. The friends I did have were your typical elementary school kids. They were my friends, we would fight, they would say stupid stuff and gang up on me or whoever the target for the moment was. My parents would always tell me "Lainy, if you make it out of this world with one good friend you are truly blessed".
Now that I am 24 I can honestly say I finally get it. I have had so many friends over the years and despite some rough endings I am happy that I got to have each and every one of them in my life. Dealing with all of those people good or bad, has showed me what I truly want in a friend.
When I was in high school I met Kc. She and I would drive around for hours on end just talking and enjoying each other's company. Eventually we took different paths and lost touch with one another. A year ago she and I re-connected and I'm so happy we did. We have a unique connection that I don't think many people find in a friend. We compliment one another and she really brings out the best in me. I can depend on her no matter what. I can trust her with my deepest secrets and know that even if she disagrees with the things I have done she stands by me as a friend and tries to guide me in the right direction. I finally feel like I have a good influence in my life, someone I can be myself with and not worry about being judged or looked down on. It's kind of funny but she is the first person I talk to almost every morning and usually one of the last people I talk to at the end of the day. It doesn't matter if we are shopping or just bumming around our houses with our kids we have a ton of fun.
Kc you are an AMAZING woman. I'm so happy that I have the ability to call you my best friend. You are an amazing mother and wife and I strive to be just like you. It's kind of funny to look up to someone younger than me but I do. Your strength and dedication to all that you do leaves me speechless. If everyone had your drive and ambition this world would be a far better place. You know my biggest fear, God forbid the time should come I want you to know that I love you to pieces! Thank you so much for standing by me and helping me to become a better person. I can't wait to take our mommy trip and get to gab for hours! 24 hours of chatting it up sounds like a great escape!
Now that I am 24 I can honestly say I finally get it. I have had so many friends over the years and despite some rough endings I am happy that I got to have each and every one of them in my life. Dealing with all of those people good or bad, has showed me what I truly want in a friend.
When I was in high school I met Kc. She and I would drive around for hours on end just talking and enjoying each other's company. Eventually we took different paths and lost touch with one another. A year ago she and I re-connected and I'm so happy we did. We have a unique connection that I don't think many people find in a friend. We compliment one another and she really brings out the best in me. I can depend on her no matter what. I can trust her with my deepest secrets and know that even if she disagrees with the things I have done she stands by me as a friend and tries to guide me in the right direction. I finally feel like I have a good influence in my life, someone I can be myself with and not worry about being judged or looked down on. It's kind of funny but she is the first person I talk to almost every morning and usually one of the last people I talk to at the end of the day. It doesn't matter if we are shopping or just bumming around our houses with our kids we have a ton of fun.
Kc you are an AMAZING woman. I'm so happy that I have the ability to call you my best friend. You are an amazing mother and wife and I strive to be just like you. It's kind of funny to look up to someone younger than me but I do. Your strength and dedication to all that you do leaves me speechless. If everyone had your drive and ambition this world would be a far better place. You know my biggest fear, God forbid the time should come I want you to know that I love you to pieces! Thank you so much for standing by me and helping me to become a better person. I can't wait to take our mommy trip and get to gab for hours! 24 hours of chatting it up sounds like a great escape!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Update on me
So it is now July. My oh my how time does fly. There has been a lot of progress in our home over the past couple of months. I guess I'll start with myself.
I have always had an issue with having my days and nights mixed up. I am now waking up between 6am and 8am daily. My best friend makes this a lot easier because she calls me everyday to ensure I'm awake. I am amazed at what I am capable of accomplishing when I get up early. My house is cleaner, my mind is clearer, and my family as a whole is benefiting from the change. I have been working hard making home made healthy meals for our family and cutting out the already limited fast food from our diets. I am also increasing the veggies and fruits in my daughter's diets. I want them to grow up knowing what a real meal is and knowing that real meals are not purchased through a drive through or made from a box. I want them to grow up not having to worry about their weight all the time. I want to give my kids the chance at a healthy lifestyle so that when they are older it's second nature. I feel like I have done a good job thus far. My kids are at healthy weights and they are really good eaters.
Shaunn is working very hard lately. He has taken on a second store so we are doing well for now. I am so thankful for him and all he does for our family. He made a friend finally! His friends name is Kemo and he is an islander from somewhere around Guam. His wife works for Arrowhead Health and is very nice. I'm so happy that my husband has someone to pal around with and do "man stuff" with. I also have managed to focus on one particular friendship. Kc and I have become best friends and while our time together rocks I fear my waistline will ultimately suffer some radical consequences. Her and I plan to take a trip over night out of town soon as my birthday gift to her. We are also working on reducing costs in our homes and she is also increasing the healthy foods in her home. We have decided to start making our own laundry soap and have even tossed around the idea of dish soap. She and I implemented a once a month movie night where we go to the movies and get away for a few hours and I think it's fair to say we both enjoy that!
Now onto my girls. Brey has really impressed us the last week or so. She is saying quite a few more words. She has learned "trash", "stop", "cow", "dog", "kitty", "mooo", "woof", "meow", "shhh", "uh huh", "are you ok" and that's all I can think of right now. That alone is 11 words, sounds, and one 3 word sentence! We are VERY proud of her. She is following simple commands when she feels like it and has developed quite the little attitude. She likes to hold her finger up to her mouth when she is being scolded and tell her father and I "shhhh". She also likes to scream "stop" at us when she is being scolded, Shaunn and I are having a hard time dealing with those two.
Natilee is a silly little girl. She is smart as a whip. She will listen to almost anything I ask of her including "go night night". She has learned how to say "no" and shake her head yes and no. She has become a picky eater as of late and I'm not sure where this is coming from. She is not a big fan of meat and if she doesn't think it looks good she wont try it. I am now to the point where if she wont willingly try it I pry her mouth open and MAKE her try it. Most of the time this works and she realizes she does like it but other times when she is being stubborn she will spit it out and yell at me.
I am working on moving the girls into their own bedrooms both for alone time and for the sake of their sleeping patterns. Nati moves a lot and Brey doesn't. Natilee is somewhat of an early riser and Brey is not.
Oh and home improvements! We have decided on a beautiful shade of green for our kitchen. We will do one wall in a dark green color called "frosted ivy" and then the remaining walls will be a liter shade on the paint card I have. One day this house will look like a home.
Well the kids are down for a nap so it's time to sweep and mop and finish up with my downstairs cleaning. Hope all is well with your families!
I have always had an issue with having my days and nights mixed up. I am now waking up between 6am and 8am daily. My best friend makes this a lot easier because she calls me everyday to ensure I'm awake. I am amazed at what I am capable of accomplishing when I get up early. My house is cleaner, my mind is clearer, and my family as a whole is benefiting from the change. I have been working hard making home made healthy meals for our family and cutting out the already limited fast food from our diets. I am also increasing the veggies and fruits in my daughter's diets. I want them to grow up knowing what a real meal is and knowing that real meals are not purchased through a drive through or made from a box. I want them to grow up not having to worry about their weight all the time. I want to give my kids the chance at a healthy lifestyle so that when they are older it's second nature. I feel like I have done a good job thus far. My kids are at healthy weights and they are really good eaters.
Shaunn is working very hard lately. He has taken on a second store so we are doing well for now. I am so thankful for him and all he does for our family. He made a friend finally! His friends name is Kemo and he is an islander from somewhere around Guam. His wife works for Arrowhead Health and is very nice. I'm so happy that my husband has someone to pal around with and do "man stuff" with. I also have managed to focus on one particular friendship. Kc and I have become best friends and while our time together rocks I fear my waistline will ultimately suffer some radical consequences. Her and I plan to take a trip over night out of town soon as my birthday gift to her. We are also working on reducing costs in our homes and she is also increasing the healthy foods in her home. We have decided to start making our own laundry soap and have even tossed around the idea of dish soap. She and I implemented a once a month movie night where we go to the movies and get away for a few hours and I think it's fair to say we both enjoy that!
Now onto my girls. Brey has really impressed us the last week or so. She is saying quite a few more words. She has learned "trash", "stop", "cow", "dog", "kitty", "mooo", "woof", "meow", "shhh", "uh huh", "are you ok" and that's all I can think of right now. That alone is 11 words, sounds, and one 3 word sentence! We are VERY proud of her. She is following simple commands when she feels like it and has developed quite the little attitude. She likes to hold her finger up to her mouth when she is being scolded and tell her father and I "shhhh". She also likes to scream "stop" at us when she is being scolded, Shaunn and I are having a hard time dealing with those two.
Natilee is a silly little girl. She is smart as a whip. She will listen to almost anything I ask of her including "go night night". She has learned how to say "no" and shake her head yes and no. She has become a picky eater as of late and I'm not sure where this is coming from. She is not a big fan of meat and if she doesn't think it looks good she wont try it. I am now to the point where if she wont willingly try it I pry her mouth open and MAKE her try it. Most of the time this works and she realizes she does like it but other times when she is being stubborn she will spit it out and yell at me.
I am working on moving the girls into their own bedrooms both for alone time and for the sake of their sleeping patterns. Nati moves a lot and Brey doesn't. Natilee is somewhat of an early riser and Brey is not.
Oh and home improvements! We have decided on a beautiful shade of green for our kitchen. We will do one wall in a dark green color called "frosted ivy" and then the remaining walls will be a liter shade on the paint card I have. One day this house will look like a home.
Well the kids are down for a nap so it's time to sweep and mop and finish up with my downstairs cleaning. Hope all is well with your families!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Love and Marriage
A little background on my little family prior to my actual blog:
I met the man that is now my husband when I was 15 years old. I met him through my cousin one night on msn messenger and from that point on we talked every evening online until the one day he finally let down his guard and gave me his phone number. We continued casually talking on the phone and through msn messenger until one day when I was lounging around my house and my cousin gave me a call and told me that she had brought Shaunn over to meet me for the first time. I quickly darted downstairs to my room and threw on a less than modest shirt and some overalls. I did a quick check of the hair and make up and ran out to meet my mystery man. When all was said and done and they had driven off I called my cousin and told her "Autumn, I'm going to marry that man." She giggled and called me crazy and next month we will be celebrating our 9 year anniversary.
I am writing this particular blog because as life goes on and we find ourselves drudging through the day to day sometimes we forget to stop and take in all the wonderful things in our lives. I am blessed with a wonderful husband that while yes, he does have faults, is a damn good father and husband. I have taken him for granted in the past and even caused him deep wounds. Our marriage is like the tide, ever changing, sometimes it's calm and other times it's rough. Right now we are at a very good place in our marriage. I find myself at the end of the day awe struck at how great my life is.
My husband had a friend over tonight for a friendly game of pool and while sitting in the garage he said something that almost brought me to tears. He told his friend that I am amazing and that he appreciates how hard I work. Hearing him say this made my entire year. As a mother and wife my work does seem to go unnoticed and that is a tough pill to swallow because my work is constant. I find myself trying harder and harder to be the "perfect housewife" I want to be that wife that he can brag about taking care of him. I want him to never run out of clean clothes, have the clean house, and a wife that can cook him meals every night for dinner.
Kc has provided me with a great source of inspiration. I look up to her in so many ways. She has inspired me to work harder as a mother and wife. She never stops amazing me with how dedicated she is to her family. She puts so much love into everything she does and even though most of it goes unnoticed she still wakes up before the sun and does house chores, makes breakfast, wakes her husband up with hot coffee and a steaming shower, cleans all day, and makes her husband an amazing meal which she then has to clean up.
I don't believe in the perfect marriage. I don't believe that anyone can sustain a marriage without hardship and the occasional disagreement. I do however believe that if you love someone enough that even the hard stuff can be worked through. I am a quitter in most things in life but the one thing I will continue to fight for is my family and my marriage. The day I said I do, I meant it. I meant every word. I will stand by his side until death do we part. I will honor him in sickness and in health. He is my other half. We balance each other out with our differences and strengthen each other with our similarities.
Trust your spouse. Believe in the power of marriage and in God. All things are possible in faith and Christ. Take a time out to remember why you are with your spouse. Remember all the amazing things about them that brought you together in the first place. Having children and working full time definitely allows a gap to wedge between two people but as long as you find that place for just the two of you love can prevail. For Shaunn and I that place is in bed when our feet just magically find one another, or camping when we can relax and just take in the fresh air, or even on the couch snuggled together watching a good movie. It doesn't matter what that place for you is. Just make sure you take the time to find your spouse. :D
Good night and God bless!
I met the man that is now my husband when I was 15 years old. I met him through my cousin one night on msn messenger and from that point on we talked every evening online until the one day he finally let down his guard and gave me his phone number. We continued casually talking on the phone and through msn messenger until one day when I was lounging around my house and my cousin gave me a call and told me that she had brought Shaunn over to meet me for the first time. I quickly darted downstairs to my room and threw on a less than modest shirt and some overalls. I did a quick check of the hair and make up and ran out to meet my mystery man. When all was said and done and they had driven off I called my cousin and told her "Autumn, I'm going to marry that man." She giggled and called me crazy and next month we will be celebrating our 9 year anniversary.
I am writing this particular blog because as life goes on and we find ourselves drudging through the day to day sometimes we forget to stop and take in all the wonderful things in our lives. I am blessed with a wonderful husband that while yes, he does have faults, is a damn good father and husband. I have taken him for granted in the past and even caused him deep wounds. Our marriage is like the tide, ever changing, sometimes it's calm and other times it's rough. Right now we are at a very good place in our marriage. I find myself at the end of the day awe struck at how great my life is.
My husband had a friend over tonight for a friendly game of pool and while sitting in the garage he said something that almost brought me to tears. He told his friend that I am amazing and that he appreciates how hard I work. Hearing him say this made my entire year. As a mother and wife my work does seem to go unnoticed and that is a tough pill to swallow because my work is constant. I find myself trying harder and harder to be the "perfect housewife" I want to be that wife that he can brag about taking care of him. I want him to never run out of clean clothes, have the clean house, and a wife that can cook him meals every night for dinner.
Kc has provided me with a great source of inspiration. I look up to her in so many ways. She has inspired me to work harder as a mother and wife. She never stops amazing me with how dedicated she is to her family. She puts so much love into everything she does and even though most of it goes unnoticed she still wakes up before the sun and does house chores, makes breakfast, wakes her husband up with hot coffee and a steaming shower, cleans all day, and makes her husband an amazing meal which she then has to clean up.
I don't believe in the perfect marriage. I don't believe that anyone can sustain a marriage without hardship and the occasional disagreement. I do however believe that if you love someone enough that even the hard stuff can be worked through. I am a quitter in most things in life but the one thing I will continue to fight for is my family and my marriage. The day I said I do, I meant it. I meant every word. I will stand by his side until death do we part. I will honor him in sickness and in health. He is my other half. We balance each other out with our differences and strengthen each other with our similarities.
Trust your spouse. Believe in the power of marriage and in God. All things are possible in faith and Christ. Take a time out to remember why you are with your spouse. Remember all the amazing things about them that brought you together in the first place. Having children and working full time definitely allows a gap to wedge between two people but as long as you find that place for just the two of you love can prevail. For Shaunn and I that place is in bed when our feet just magically find one another, or camping when we can relax and just take in the fresh air, or even on the couch snuggled together watching a good movie. It doesn't matter what that place for you is. Just make sure you take the time to find your spouse. :D
Good night and God bless!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
The modern domestic goddes
This weekend has been full of exciting things. Friday night Breyauna started puking, just when I thought we had safely escaped this awefull stomache bug. I spent almost all day Saturday sleeping because I was so exhausted from being up all night with my very sick girl. Once I finally woke up I spent my day cleaning (as usual) and planning out the days meals (or what was left of the day anyways).
My husband was busy out in the garage with my brother putting upgrades on my brothers car while the children ran around the house randomly stopping to watch sprout on the television. After doing some laundry, clearing out some clutter, and doing 3 loads of dishes I finally sat down to decide on dinner. I decided to make one of my older recipe's that my family adores. It is this delectable stir fry with a special glaze to coat the meat and veggies.
I pulled dinner off beautifully and everyone was super happy with it. There is nothing more fullfilling than creating a nourashing meal for your family to enjoy. Once I was done cooking I did more dishes and let the kids run around until about 9pm when I carried them upstairs for bed. Then I grabbed my amazing book and laid down in the spare bedroom and enjoyed some quiet reading. I have decided that reading is my new escape. It captures my attention and takes me to another place outside of house cleaning, bill paying, kids, and over all stress.
Today has been pretty busy as well. I double mopped the floors downstairs, prepped and am currently cooking dinner, did laundry, washed dishes, cleaned up the house. My next project is completing the laundry, finishing what I hope will be my last load of laundry, cleaning my bathroom which by the way is a complete disaster, bathing my children, putting them to bed, and doing the final go round with straightening up the house. Oh what a very exciting life us SAHM's have.
Time to get to work! Hopefully Kc and I will have a date this week, I need my fix lol.
My husband was busy out in the garage with my brother putting upgrades on my brothers car while the children ran around the house randomly stopping to watch sprout on the television. After doing some laundry, clearing out some clutter, and doing 3 loads of dishes I finally sat down to decide on dinner. I decided to make one of my older recipe's that my family adores. It is this delectable stir fry with a special glaze to coat the meat and veggies.
I pulled dinner off beautifully and everyone was super happy with it. There is nothing more fullfilling than creating a nourashing meal for your family to enjoy. Once I was done cooking I did more dishes and let the kids run around until about 9pm when I carried them upstairs for bed. Then I grabbed my amazing book and laid down in the spare bedroom and enjoyed some quiet reading. I have decided that reading is my new escape. It captures my attention and takes me to another place outside of house cleaning, bill paying, kids, and over all stress.
Today has been pretty busy as well. I double mopped the floors downstairs, prepped and am currently cooking dinner, did laundry, washed dishes, cleaned up the house. My next project is completing the laundry, finishing what I hope will be my last load of laundry, cleaning my bathroom which by the way is a complete disaster, bathing my children, putting them to bed, and doing the final go round with straightening up the house. Oh what a very exciting life us SAHM's have.
Time to get to work! Hopefully Kc and I will have a date this week, I need my fix lol.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
What a day!
I spent the night at my mother's house last night because I had to drive way out there to pick up pull ups anyways. My kids went to bed easily and I thought to myself "hmm...perfect opportunity for some good reading!". I sat on my mom's ultra cozy couch reading until about 3am when I finally realized that I had passed bedtime by about 3 hours. So I reluctantly put the book away and laid down to get some rest.
The "day" started with me waking up to a very yucky coughing sound. I sat up and looked around and noticed Natilee was wretching so I ran over to her and she puked all over my mom's air bed. While cleaning up my little sickling I noticed her entire onsie was brown. My daughter at some point during the night had an explosive diaper. At this point I threw my hands up in the air and said "bath time". One thing about me (on a side note) is I am a MAJOR germaphobe. I hate all things germy and especially the fluid exploding types.
At this point I'm carrying my baby away from my body dry heaving the entire way to the bathroom praying that none of it touches me lol. I tossed my little girl into the bath and got her nice and clean and then laid her down in her playpen. She continued throwing up for about 2 hours after that. When the throwing up subsided enough for us to catch some Z's I crashed hard. I had intended to throw Nati her 3rd birthday party this weekend but now it looks like it will be a private family function.
Now Natilee is feeling great and after yet another two days of dealing with Breyauna puking I can officially say I do not intend on having any more pukey children for at least the rest of the year. I have my puke stripes now and it's only fair that for the remainder of this year they stay healthy. Well now that I have finished this update it's time to do my weekend update :D.
The "day" started with me waking up to a very yucky coughing sound. I sat up and looked around and noticed Natilee was wretching so I ran over to her and she puked all over my mom's air bed. While cleaning up my little sickling I noticed her entire onsie was brown. My daughter at some point during the night had an explosive diaper. At this point I threw my hands up in the air and said "bath time". One thing about me (on a side note) is I am a MAJOR germaphobe. I hate all things germy and especially the fluid exploding types.
At this point I'm carrying my baby away from my body dry heaving the entire way to the bathroom praying that none of it touches me lol. I tossed my little girl into the bath and got her nice and clean and then laid her down in her playpen. She continued throwing up for about 2 hours after that. When the throwing up subsided enough for us to catch some Z's I crashed hard. I had intended to throw Nati her 3rd birthday party this weekend but now it looks like it will be a private family function.
Now Natilee is feeling great and after yet another two days of dealing with Breyauna puking I can officially say I do not intend on having any more pukey children for at least the rest of the year. I have my puke stripes now and it's only fair that for the remainder of this year they stay healthy. Well now that I have finished this update it's time to do my weekend update :D.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Improvements and progress
So my last post was basically a vent about my life in general as a mother and wife. I must say over the past few weeks my life has improved quite a bit. I'll start with my marriage.
My husband Shaunn has always been a fairly selfish person. Recently however, he has really stepped up to the plate and been the husband I have wanted all my life. It's as if a magical light switch has flipped in his head and he gets it now. I started going to my mother's house to help her out on the weekends since my step dad is over seas and can't help her with the many daunting tasks she has on her 1/2 acre of land. I spend one or two nights at her house and return home on Sunday. This all started as a way to help her out and spend time with her and some how transformed into an amazing cure for our bland marriage. When I come home on Sunday there is this sort of renewed appreciation that him and I have for one another. We are happy to help each other out, happy to spend time together, and we remember why we are together in the first place.
I have no bitter feelings towards him at all any more. Two weeks ago I had so much resentment towards him for reasons I can't even explain and now all of that is gone. Every marriage is different and I can appreciate that spending time away from your spouse may not be good for you but for us this works. I think the longer you are with a person the harder it becomes to find new things to talk about, new ways to "spice" up your love life, and to appreciate what they bring to your family unit.
I can tell you with a shadow of a doubt that I am a lucky girl. My husband, despite his sometimes selfish behavior, is a very hard working man. He supports this family alone and ensures that we have the best life we possibly can under one persons salary. He is my crutch when I can't walk and my best friend for life.
My new project for this week is to find one thing everyday that I love about him and in some way without making it totally obvious, let him know what that is. I want him to know everyday how much I appreciate all he does for our family. I challenge other's to fight for what you have in your marriage. Something drew you to the person you are with and the day to day drag sometimes fogs up that reason. Divorce is not a word I use lightly. Divorce is a last resort and she be treated as such. Fight to find that common ground. Fight to find a way to make the pieces fit again. God bless and goodnight.
-Lainy
My husband Shaunn has always been a fairly selfish person. Recently however, he has really stepped up to the plate and been the husband I have wanted all my life. It's as if a magical light switch has flipped in his head and he gets it now. I started going to my mother's house to help her out on the weekends since my step dad is over seas and can't help her with the many daunting tasks she has on her 1/2 acre of land. I spend one or two nights at her house and return home on Sunday. This all started as a way to help her out and spend time with her and some how transformed into an amazing cure for our bland marriage. When I come home on Sunday there is this sort of renewed appreciation that him and I have for one another. We are happy to help each other out, happy to spend time together, and we remember why we are together in the first place.
I have no bitter feelings towards him at all any more. Two weeks ago I had so much resentment towards him for reasons I can't even explain and now all of that is gone. Every marriage is different and I can appreciate that spending time away from your spouse may not be good for you but for us this works. I think the longer you are with a person the harder it becomes to find new things to talk about, new ways to "spice" up your love life, and to appreciate what they bring to your family unit.
I can tell you with a shadow of a doubt that I am a lucky girl. My husband, despite his sometimes selfish behavior, is a very hard working man. He supports this family alone and ensures that we have the best life we possibly can under one persons salary. He is my crutch when I can't walk and my best friend for life.
My new project for this week is to find one thing everyday that I love about him and in some way without making it totally obvious, let him know what that is. I want him to know everyday how much I appreciate all he does for our family. I challenge other's to fight for what you have in your marriage. Something drew you to the person you are with and the day to day drag sometimes fogs up that reason. Divorce is not a word I use lightly. Divorce is a last resort and she be treated as such. Fight to find that common ground. Fight to find a way to make the pieces fit again. God bless and goodnight.
-Lainy
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Falling apart
Seldom do mom's actually vent about how they really feel. I think for the most part we as mothers hide our real feelings of anger, frustration, betrayal, and over all feeling of being un appreciated.
Every day my husband goes to work at 4am. He drives 45 minutes to the other side of town and spends all day until 3pm working to support his family. He has always pushed through to make sure our family has everything we need. I am appreciative of all he does to make sure that we can continue to provide a home and food for our children. However when his day ends at 3pm from work everything ends.
I start my day at roughly 9am by waking up to my children usually fighting in their room over the baby monitor. I get up walk across the hall and let them out of their room. Frequently I am greated by my 4 year old smiling and clapping only to find that she has stripped her younger 3 year old sister of her diaper thus creating a massive mess of pee and poop. If that hasn't happened I get them dressed and we head downstairs. I make breakfast, clean it up and allow them to play. Throughout the day my children thrash my house and I walk behind them cleaning up. I make lunch clean them and my table up. Then I take them upstairs for nap time because by this time I'm ready to pull my hair out. Nap time doesn't actually consist of them sleeping although God knows that would be nice. Instead it often consists of my oldest tormenting her sister to death so that I end up running up and down the stairs 40 times. I try to do whatever cleaning that has either not been done or was destroyed at the hands of 2 toddlers while they are "napping". This usually lasts for about an hour and then they are aloud to come down. By this time my husband has arrived home and says hello, gives a hug and kiss, and plops down on the couch with his computer. He checks a couple things and then puts the computer away and lays around until bedtime. In the mean time I cook dinner and feed my family. Every now and again my husband will either cook dinner or collect the plates at the end of dinner and place them in the dishwasher. By this time it's bed time for my girls and I take them up and bathe them, dress them, administer medicine and bring them in their room. My husband comes up gives kisses and says good night and it's lights out for my girls. His night is over at this point. He heads upstairs and goes to bed. My night however has just begun. I have to clean the entire downstairs, clean upstairs, do whatever laundry that needs to be done, work on my math homework and hope to be in bed by 3am so that I can pry myself out of bed when my kids wake up.
Now, I do appreciate the fact that my husband attempts to make strides to help me. This has been a huge battle in our marrige and continues to be. Both of our daughters have a brain disease that renders them "developmentally disabled". I am exhausted. I try so hard to be this picture perfect mother but I'm failing. I feel like I have become a doormat for my family. My 4 year old does not listen to a word I say. No punishment has changed this. My 3 year old is relatively well behaved but has a clingy mommy issue. She is constantly attached to me and if I don't sit with her or have a hold of her in some way she lets out a wild screech that pierces my brain. By the end of my day I'm so drained emotionally and physically that it's all I can do to keep from sobbing hysterically. Sitting here writing this all I can think about is an escape. Just me alone on a beach somewhere far. No noise, no people, no stress just the beach, a towel and a cold beer.
Im so incredibly excited to start school, if for nothing more than an escape I am excited.
I'm bummed....
Every day my husband goes to work at 4am. He drives 45 minutes to the other side of town and spends all day until 3pm working to support his family. He has always pushed through to make sure our family has everything we need. I am appreciative of all he does to make sure that we can continue to provide a home and food for our children. However when his day ends at 3pm from work everything ends.
I start my day at roughly 9am by waking up to my children usually fighting in their room over the baby monitor. I get up walk across the hall and let them out of their room. Frequently I am greated by my 4 year old smiling and clapping only to find that she has stripped her younger 3 year old sister of her diaper thus creating a massive mess of pee and poop. If that hasn't happened I get them dressed and we head downstairs. I make breakfast, clean it up and allow them to play. Throughout the day my children thrash my house and I walk behind them cleaning up. I make lunch clean them and my table up. Then I take them upstairs for nap time because by this time I'm ready to pull my hair out. Nap time doesn't actually consist of them sleeping although God knows that would be nice. Instead it often consists of my oldest tormenting her sister to death so that I end up running up and down the stairs 40 times. I try to do whatever cleaning that has either not been done or was destroyed at the hands of 2 toddlers while they are "napping". This usually lasts for about an hour and then they are aloud to come down. By this time my husband has arrived home and says hello, gives a hug and kiss, and plops down on the couch with his computer. He checks a couple things and then puts the computer away and lays around until bedtime. In the mean time I cook dinner and feed my family. Every now and again my husband will either cook dinner or collect the plates at the end of dinner and place them in the dishwasher. By this time it's bed time for my girls and I take them up and bathe them, dress them, administer medicine and bring them in their room. My husband comes up gives kisses and says good night and it's lights out for my girls. His night is over at this point. He heads upstairs and goes to bed. My night however has just begun. I have to clean the entire downstairs, clean upstairs, do whatever laundry that needs to be done, work on my math homework and hope to be in bed by 3am so that I can pry myself out of bed when my kids wake up.
Now, I do appreciate the fact that my husband attempts to make strides to help me. This has been a huge battle in our marrige and continues to be. Both of our daughters have a brain disease that renders them "developmentally disabled". I am exhausted. I try so hard to be this picture perfect mother but I'm failing. I feel like I have become a doormat for my family. My 4 year old does not listen to a word I say. No punishment has changed this. My 3 year old is relatively well behaved but has a clingy mommy issue. She is constantly attached to me and if I don't sit with her or have a hold of her in some way she lets out a wild screech that pierces my brain. By the end of my day I'm so drained emotionally and physically that it's all I can do to keep from sobbing hysterically. Sitting here writing this all I can think about is an escape. Just me alone on a beach somewhere far. No noise, no people, no stress just the beach, a towel and a cold beer.
Im so incredibly excited to start school, if for nothing more than an escape I am excited.
I'm bummed....
Monday, January 11, 2010
It's not fair!
About 2 years ago I believe one of the greatest men I have ever known was diagnosed with cancer. He was given 6 months to live and he has managed to fight it and is still here today. The path to now has been painfull and exhausting for this friend and it kills me. Today we recieved word that the time is drawing near and I find myself panicking inside. I knew this was coming but I'm a master at denial and I didn't want to acknowledge the idea of losing him.
This man is like no one I have ever met before. He is a friend to all and he looks after and takes care of those that he knows. He would give you the shirt off his back if it meant you would be warm. There have been so many times, too many to count, that Shaunn and I would be struggling with how to do different things and he would sit with us in his garage for hours discussing options.
The most important thing here is that he is the father I have NEVER had. He showed me what it would have been like to have a real dad that was around and cared about me. I'm pissed off. I'm angry that such an amazing person is being killed by such a disgusting thing. Why him? How is it fair that there are so many piece of shit people out there but a truely amazing individual ends up with the deadly cancer. I want to see him again so badly before he is gone but we have to wait for our tax return and pray that he makes it that long and that we can get a babysitter.
I know the argument could be he is going with God, but I'm selfish and I don't want him to go with God. I want him here to shoot the shit with us, here to see Josh and Nathan grow up, here to see Shaunn and I possibly have another baby and here to watch Breyauna and Natilee grow up. I hate how far away he is. We wanted to fly him here to show him the house we got and how we painted the garage sublime green just like he did in his and now it seems that we wont be able to do that.
I know I should be thankfull for the time we have had with Roger and I am but it's not enough. I am pissed that such an amazing person is being taken from us while there is plenty of garbage out in the world that could be taken instead......pain
This man is like no one I have ever met before. He is a friend to all and he looks after and takes care of those that he knows. He would give you the shirt off his back if it meant you would be warm. There have been so many times, too many to count, that Shaunn and I would be struggling with how to do different things and he would sit with us in his garage for hours discussing options.
The most important thing here is that he is the father I have NEVER had. He showed me what it would have been like to have a real dad that was around and cared about me. I'm pissed off. I'm angry that such an amazing person is being killed by such a disgusting thing. Why him? How is it fair that there are so many piece of shit people out there but a truely amazing individual ends up with the deadly cancer. I want to see him again so badly before he is gone but we have to wait for our tax return and pray that he makes it that long and that we can get a babysitter.
I know the argument could be he is going with God, but I'm selfish and I don't want him to go with God. I want him here to shoot the shit with us, here to see Josh and Nathan grow up, here to see Shaunn and I possibly have another baby and here to watch Breyauna and Natilee grow up. I hate how far away he is. We wanted to fly him here to show him the house we got and how we painted the garage sublime green just like he did in his and now it seems that we wont be able to do that.
I know I should be thankfull for the time we have had with Roger and I am but it's not enough. I am pissed that such an amazing person is being taken from us while there is plenty of garbage out in the world that could be taken instead......pain
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
And the meaning of family is.....
So the past month has been so hard. I'm dealing with some MAJOR family drama that has me in a constant state of major anxiety. I can't sleep I have non stop migrains...and I'm eating like I'm pregnant. The one good thing that has come of all of this is that my husband and I have united as a team. My cousin has decided that she wants to move back in with my grandmother. I have had her for over a year and now all the sudden we are no longer good enough. The pain I'm feeling is unlike anything I have ever experienced. I feel so betrayed. The fact that my grandmother the woman that couldn't handle this child and sent her away to live with me is going along with this makes me that much more disgusted. I have a hard time swallowing all of this. This child is being taught that whenever things get tough she can just run away and turn her back on her problems. Me being the psycho that I am I desperately hope she falls on her ass so that her and my grandmother get a taste of how I'm feeling. Ugh...
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
The first one...
So this is my first official blog entry. I have needed an outlet for my random thoughts and random venting spells and hazaa I have found my outlet. Today has left my head spinning in circles. Between trying to find a new home by December, figuring out whether my cousin Shelly will come to live with me, being upset and unwilling to do anything about my fatness and just everything else I am just dizzy. Tomorrow I plan to go to Phoenician Pines to check out the condos and get some price quotes. After looking into Phoenician Pines I have to call my "sweet" Grandmother and find out rock solid whether or not she wants to sign Shelly over to me. I also need to find out what kind of financial contribution she is willing to make because I know that adding another child means I need more bedrooms which means MORE money which means a need for more income. I'm hoping she will say that she can contribute 500 a month but I definitely think that is far fetched to say the least. I feel sort of funny offering to help out by taking Shelly into my home but then in the same sentence saying hey let me then make things difficult and ask for money. It's complicated. I do feel very strongly about Shelly living with me though. I can provide her the loving one on one environment that she needs. My kids love her and I know she loves them. I just really hope it all works out. Well that is it for the first blog...ttfn.
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