We often hear the phrase "when it rains it poors" but it is becoming more and more apparent in my life that this statement is extremely valid. I filed for divorce last week and in the past 4 weeks have been working very hard at not only being a better person but being a better spouse. Since this change in my life my spouse, the usuallly mild mannored (fairly submissive) man in my life has done a complete 180 and been unusually nasty to me. I find myself wondering if there is ever a middle ground. A time when both parties are on the same page and functioning as a team that loves and respects one another. I was previously married for six years and with the man I thought was "the one" for 10 years. I invested so much time and energy in something that didn't work. This makes me question everything.
As a an adult (26) woman with two "special needs" kids that is not fully divorced I find myself second guessing myself. Am I worth the love and respect I feel I deserve? Being the strong minded highly intelligent woman that I am should I "settle" for the sake of having a companion? This is not to say that I feel I am settling now however, if I am to be treated poorly dispite my efforts to be the best me, mom, and spouse I can be is it wrong to question my relationship? I understand the difficulty in changing ones schedule as my spouse has recently. He went from working a night job in the night life entertainment business to working a traditional 9-5 sort of a job. I understand the stress he must feel but at the same time I'm officially putting on paper that I am cutting all ties with the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I try my hardest to wake with a smile and no matter what happens to keep that smile all day.
I am far from perfect. I do try my hardest to accomodate everyone (my biggest downfall) and it never seems to pan out. I have gone as far as elemenating people that I loved dearly from my life so that I as a mother and an adult woman can grow and be a better person. To have the one person I want approval from to treat me with such disreguard is so disheartening. I have had many awfull things said about me and I could care a less. It effects me yes, however those people don't know me from Adam and really can't speak to my character as a person.
I know all of this is a jumble of bs but I had to put words to paper so to speak to keep myself from beating someone senseless so this is the result.....
Hope everyone is in good health and happiness! Happy Easter
Lainy
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2 comments:
So glad you are blogging again :) I love this honest post! Helps me rethink some issues in my life :) You are a great woman!! A great friend!! and from where I stand a great spouse :D
Thank you so much sweety. I really appreciate all of the encouragement I get from you. I am so happy with my life right now but as you know sometimes our men can be big pains in the rear. The blogging really helps me collect my thoughts and clear my mind.
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